An Open Letter to Whoever, Wherever you are

Dear Whoever,

I don't know where you are or who you are but I felt the need to write this letter for you. For some reason I feel that if this letter found you, this is exactly what you needed to hear.

Life is hard and sometimes it is not fair. I know you thought about giving up sometimes. Maybe it seemed like the easy way out.

Those dark thoughts passing through your mind, like water passes through land. Sometimes they are rough and sometimes they are peaceful. 

At this point, you probably have become accepting of your demons or maybe you haven't. Maybe you are still learning how to battle them.  It takes time. I'm also not going to lie to you and tell you it is easy.  Because it's not. Sometimes giving up just seems like the best way to go, but it's not. I've dealt with a couple of people who have thought that it was their time. It was hard. The hardest thing I've ever had to do. The things you hear, those words. The thoughts going through your mind. What if I don't make it in time? What if I can't keep them with me? What if? What if? What if...

Never did I think I would come out of that. Never did I think they would come out of that. It's a rushing fight to make sure that everything turns out okay. You might lose friends in that process, you might even lose yourself but it happens.

The only thing is remembering who you are.

Sometimes the bad out weighs the good. I won't lie and tell you that the bad won't. Think of it this way, life is like a rollercoaster it always takes some unexpected twist. No matter how accustomed to it you get, you are not going to expect it. See I always thought that life would plateau, that eventually life would just stop throwing obstacles at me and get easy.

But that was just silly of me. You see the thing is that what life throws at us is suppose to help us. In a weird way, I always believed we weren't thrown hard stuff we aren't able to handle. Trust me when I say there were points in my life when I felt that I wasn't able to handle it and the idea of staying in bed and letting it fix itself seemed a lot better. But something in me pushed me out of bed and try. Let me tell you this though. That was hard for me to do. To get up, get changed, put a smile on my face, and face the world. Yeah, it was the hardest thing for me to do. I wanted to give into myself.

I wanted to give into my beautiful, twisted demons. 

I know that sounds terrible but it's true. See the thing is, I thought if I allowed that to happen the amount of times I would let life knock me off my feet and not get up... Who knows where I would be right now. Probably in bed, waiting once again for my problems to be fixed. 

I know that some people just can't get out of bed for reasons. I understand that. Here's the thing though, you will have your moment where getting out of bed is going to be the easy part. Getting changed, putting on the smile, and facing the world will be the hard part.

But you will get there.

I really don't want to sit here (well technically I am laying in bed) and type out that it will be easy. That's far from the truth. I don't like to lie to people. If it was easy, I really don't think you will be reading this, I know I wouldn't. Maybe I'm writing this letter for myself. Maybe I'm writing this so when I want to give myself strength, that I have this. Maybe I'm writing this because maybe I am the difference between you and leaving that letter, making that call, or doing it. 

I don't know if people do that for attention. I would like to believe they don't. See, I don't think someone gets that low to a point for attention. People are so quick to say they are asking for it because they reached out. Did you take a second to think maybe they reached out not for attention but because they need saving? Those accusations are not to be taken lightly because maybe you're the bridge. I know it's a lot to take. Trust me I understand. It's the hardest thing you'll probably have to ever do. That phone call, letter, is not to be taken lightly. Think how hard it is for them to just reach out. It takes a lot out of them too. All they really need is a friend. A friend that they trust and wouldn't trade the world for. There is not going to be the right thing to say. You might not know what to say but it's okay. It's okay to not understand or know what to say. Just being there is enough. Let them cry and do what you think is right to help them. If you lose them as a friend, at least you can say you tried, at least you can say what you did was right. As mad as they might seem at you, they will forever be thankful; Whether or not they want to say it. I can't really speak for them but a part of me feels that's what they are thinking. 

Now for the people on the other side. I understand that it might be hard and I understand that it seems the easy way out. I know you are angry with the ones you hold close. I know that they don't understand. I know you are afraid. I know you just need that moment to breathe. There are so many other options. I know, I know. I'm nuts, I don't understand. Maybe I do understand. Maybe I don't. You will never know. As low as you feel, as tired as you are, as hard as it gets, as lonely as you feel, as unloved as you feel... 

Stop feeding into your demons.

You are loved, you are amazing, you are worth it. There is something beautiful waiting out there for you. You might not fit into someone's world but that doesn't mean you don't fit in another's world. I had a girl wish that I was never coming back to school because she didn't like me. In a way, I guess she was wishing me dead. I wasn't suppose to know that but a mutual friend told me that. Hearing those words weren't fun. I wanted to cry... Imagine I listened to her? I know I am worth more than that and so are you. 

Please, please don't give up just yet. Please explore the world a little more.

And for you, the people,who just want to give up, just because. For the people who just want to suppress their emotions. You just want to quit and allow the failure to come. I get it. Sometimes our world is perfect for such a long time, we get accustomed to it and than our world falls a part. Our security falls a part. It's okay if it does. I know we don't want life to harden us and it seems selfish but sadly that is how the world is built. We are built to harden and do what we need for ourselves. We have to do what is right for us, no matter how hard it becomes. Failure is a part of life. Without it, we won't grow. We won't learn what is right and what is wrong. What works and doesn't work. Do you think that scientist gave up when their experiment fails? Do you think that CEO's of famous businesses haven't failed? We all fail. It's okay to feel like giving up and it's okay to give into those days but wipe those tears, straighten your head up, and look at it again. Look at those days again and fix it. Find what went wrong. You will succeed in everything. Trust me when I say somedays I feel like I won't either, I still have those days. But just know you will get there. You will get that degree, the girl or the boy, the outcome you have been waiting for. Life is going to take you on many paths, it's just the question of whether or not you are going to let that world that was soften become harden and if you are going to learn how to navigate through it and still be you. Right now I know it feels like you don't know how to navigate it or how to still be you, but you will get there. Please just give it time.

If you or a loved one are suffering from suicidal thoughts please reach out to: 

Suicide Hotline Prevention 

Or call: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

We are all beautiful, twisted messes, let life happen. Breathe. Let the water take it's course through the land and don't stop it.

Sippin' Pretty, Sippin' Strong
Moli