Sometimes Life is NOT Fair

It was hard at first. It really, truly was. I thought everything was going to be okay. Honestly, why wouldn’t it be okay? Funny enough, I was finally getting things under control in my life. I was becoming one with myself, I was finally getting my new bearings (I mean this was my second year of college after all), and I was thriving. Do you know how long I waited for this moment? How long I was ready to be comfortable with who I was? Break out of my shell? I waited so long. Life had other plans for me. If I’m being honest here, I was not shocked at all. I knew life was going to throw a curve ball at me because why wouldn’t it? As depressing as it sounds, I was waiting for this moment to break. For every up, there had to be a down. It just so happened that this down knocked me off my feet.

You know when you hear about things that happen in the news and all your thinking is “Wow, that’s crazy. I would never wish this on my worst enemy.” Yeah, that’s how life wanted to deal me my cards. Over a course of a month, my grandfather passed away and my uncle went missing. Now I had a choice, I could take this and let it ruin my life or I can take it and run with it. I’m not going to sit here and tell you it was easy. It was far from easy. I felt lost, I was confused, I was worried, I was scared, I was angry. I didn’t know who to talk to. How can I talk to anyone? What if that’s too much on them? See in my mind, faking a smile was so much easier. The idea of going through this alone was a comfort to me. Although, looking back at it now that was a very stupid decision on my end. Me choosing to walk down that path alone felt very dark and cold. There was no comfort, no light. I was battling demons I didn't know one could battle alone. When you're upset you should have someone to talk to because guess what? People care and they want to get to know you. They want to help. Trust me, I am the first person to push people away and do things alone. Work on my emotions alone. I really, truly get it. We all want to be independent, we all want to work on ourselves, by ourselves. That's not how it works. 

Because here's the thing:

Sometimes life is NOT fair.

And it's not fair to ourselves to go through it alone. Going through this experience has taught me a lot. It has taught me how important it is to show emotion. To show people how you feel. Explain how you feel. Listen, emotion is not my strong suit. I swear I am the meme where the person is tapping another person with a broom saying "There, there. There, there." So, if it's hard to talk, find an outlet. My outlet happened to be music. It allowed me to find the words I couldn't speak and properly channel the emotions I was feeling.

Cry. It's okay to cry. I'm not a crier and usually, unless I have a complete mental breakdown, don't cry in front of my friends or family (ask one of them, they'll tell you). Crying doesn't mean you are weak, it just means you were strong for far too long.

Write. Write how you feel. It oddly works. Sometimes being able to write it down, cross it out, erase it, rip it, burn it, whatever you want to do to it works. You might not realize it now but it helps you feel the emotions you need to feel and be able to get rid of it. If you want to keep it for future reference to say "I did it. I made it through." Stash it away. When it's time, get rid of it to help you move on from the past.

Scream. Scream as loud as you can. Throw paint at a canvas (I would say throw stuff but we want to try and avoid breaking things, ya know?). Take a hot shower. Exercise. Exercise helps release endorphins which helps trigger a positive feeling. Do whatever you have to do to feel better.

I can't guarantee that it will work. You also won't know if it doesn't work if you don't try it. Maybe you find something else that works for you that you can teach me. 

Just remember my fellow sippers (like the image says), you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think!! 

Sippin' Pretty, Sippin' Strong, 

Moli