An Open Letter to the Ones I Walked Away From

To whom it may concern, 

Sometimes I wonder if I never walked away would I be where I am now? Would I have been as confident as I am now? Would I be as strong as I am now? For so long we wind up in friendships or relationships that we never think about the one's who came before. The one's who set us on this path to excellence. 

I never thought I would be able to meet new people, new people who showed me a world that was beautiful, a world where I fit in rather than clash. 

I never thought that I would be someone's fresh breath of air.

It's been a while since we probably talked to each other. It's probably been a while since I heard your voice or you heard mine. It's funny, isn't it? For so long we were in each other's lives, stating that it would be us against the world forever. We had plans. Many, many plans. From attending each other's weddings, from school, to just how the day would go. As crazy as this may seem. As wild as a thought as it gets.

Thank you for allowing me to walk away and not fight to keep me.

Thinking about it now, walking away was probably the hardest decision. When I set my mind to something though, I can walk away very easily. I can cut you off as quick as a scissor can cut string. Trust me when I say it took a lot of thought and sometimes the pros out weighed the cons but sometimes the cons just seemed like the way to go.

I'm sorry if I broke your heart. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry if I was the reason that you no longer trust people. I'm sorry if you had a broken smile for such a long time. 

The thing is, when you do what's best for you, you have to break those along the way.

As selfish as it sounds, as wrong as it sounds, it's the truth. In order to better ourselves, we have to leave certain people in the past. I don't know what I meant to you but what if I was your everything? I don't mean as a lover, I mean something else, but however you see fit, accept it how you will. The outcome would have been me hurting you. I didn't mean it, or maybe in a weird way I did. Maybe I did mean to hurt you. That sounds really bad but at the time we weren't working, we were clashing too much. 

I was not fitting in your perfect porcelain world and I am okay with that.

I won't lie and say that some people have walked away from me. Trust me, I have just as many toxic traits as the next. There's things that work for some that might not work for other's. I would be lying if I said I was perfect because I am far from perfect. 

I didn't write this letter to rip you a part, far from it. Maybe you'll read this and exit out of it. Maybe you'll read this and it will give you the closure you needed. Maybe you'll read this and hate me (maybe more if you already do). However you feel about me after you read this, I accept it. 

I wrote this letter to thank you.

I just wanted to say thank you for giving me a fun time in the friendship that we had. I wanted to thank you for being my world for that second. I want to thank you for all the fun memories. Thank you for allowing me to see my worth. For allowing me to see I am not meant to be a rug to walk over. Thank you for allowing me to find my voice. Thank you for showing me I am not made for everyone. Thank you for allowing me to find my confidence. 

Thank you for breaking my world so I can rebuild it to fit and become the true me. 

Sippin' Pretty, Sippin' Strong

Moli