Time is just a Construct
Time (n): The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.
Construct (n): An idea or theory containing various conceptual elements, typically one considered to be subjective and not based on empirical evidence.
That is what I see time as. Time to me is just a construct.
For so long we believe that everything must have a time stamp. But why is that? To be honest, I blame society. Society talks about how important time stamps are. If you are talking to someone, you should talk to them no longer then two weeks before they ask you on a date, be with them an average three years before they get down on one knee before they pop the question, have to go to college right away and graduate with a bachelors in four years. If you have a baby before thirty you are too young, have a baby after thirty you are too old. The list can go on and on. The thing is, these are all lies.
Sippin' Pretty, Sippin' Strong
Construct (n): An idea or theory containing various conceptual elements, typically one considered to be subjective and not based on empirical evidence.
That is what I see time as. Time to me is just a construct.
For so long we believe that everything must have a time stamp. But why is that? To be honest, I blame society. Society talks about how important time stamps are. If you are talking to someone, you should talk to them no longer then two weeks before they ask you on a date, be with them an average three years before they get down on one knee before they pop the question, have to go to college right away and graduate with a bachelors in four years. If you have a baby before thirty you are too young, have a baby after thirty you are too old. The list can go on and on. The thing is, these are all lies.
Lies we force feed ourselves in order to fit in. Lies we listen to, to rush our lives.
Stop rushing. Stop trying to fit the mold. Stop trying to be something you're not. Stop trying to control things, that are not in your control. Stop trying to put time stamps on things that don't deserve to have time stamps on them.Time waits for no one, so why should you wait for time?
There is never going to be the right moment to do things. If you did things according to how society sees fit, would you be happy? Would it be everything and more? Would your life be exactly how you want it? Would your timeline match up with what you want? These are the questions that you have to ask yourself before you even remotely think of putting a timestamp on something.
The thing is, everyone's time is different. What you are meant to do ten years down the line might be something someone does five years down the line. I've seen many people compare themselves to others, set up ridiculous timelines, and guess what? Nothing went according to plan. Wanna know why? Because you start holding standards that are not attainable for yourself and others.
Holding a timestamp over someone's head is pressure. It makes it harder for them to know what is real and what is not, especially for you. How do you know they want to do something when you put a timestamp to it. Commitment to a person is a serious responsibility and decision. You want to be with someone who wants to be with you, not someone who is just trying to make your deadlines. How is that fair to them? Eventually it becomes a forced relationship, that if it goes down the wrong path - possibly toxic. Toxic might be a strong word, but pressure messes with someones head. It might make them anxious that they are even doing anything right. You don't know what they went through prior to this new beginning, what if they left a relationship where they felt suffocated by timelines? Told they weren't perfect because they didn't abide by what you wanted. It's a two way street and your deadlines are not something to be played with. If your deadlines are not met, would you stay with that person? Or would you drag them along for the ride and put a new one up? Or would you leave them because once again they did not meet your high standards?
Holding a timestamp over your own head is pressure. I won't lie and say I haven't fallen prey to this ideology. I had a whole timeline set out for myself. I wanted to be working full time by twenty two, married by twenty five, have my first kid by twenty seven, have at least two kids by thirty, and finish having kids by thirty two. This timeline, while still attainable, does not fit my life anymore. Why? I am still a single twenty one year old, who, while graduating in a couple of days with her bachelors, will have a hard time finding a job due to Coronavirus, and knows for her sanity, she would not be married by twenty five but maybe twenty seven. Now, I'm not saying it isn't attainable or possible, but if I want to do things the right way, I have to alter it. I'm a more go with the flow person, whatever happens, happens. At times, it makes me sad that my timestamp isn't working but I realized who am I kidding, at the time, I was not mentally or emotionally ready for a relationship. My schedule was nonstop, piled high, I barley had time for myself. My days were spent student teaching five days a week, school three days a week, working three jobs, being a part of a sorority, all the while trying to keep a social life. Being a part of something more would have been too much for me. If I'm not ready for my timestamps, who is to say that someone else would be ready for them? What if my timestamps don't align with their life?
I am also someone who believes I need to be with a person five years before I even remotely think of getting married to them (BAM another time stamp) but as I sat there I realized I'm wrong. Whose to say five years won't turn to ten years, ten years to twenty? It shouldn't matter, if the time feels right to get engaged, we get engaged - we don't wait five years.
The thing is, everyone's time is different. What you are meant to do ten years down the line might be something someone does five years down the line. I've seen many people compare themselves to others, set up ridiculous timelines, and guess what? Nothing went according to plan. Wanna know why? Because you start holding standards that are not attainable for yourself and others.
Holding a timestamp over someone's head is pressure. It makes it harder for them to know what is real and what is not, especially for you. How do you know they want to do something when you put a timestamp to it. Commitment to a person is a serious responsibility and decision. You want to be with someone who wants to be with you, not someone who is just trying to make your deadlines. How is that fair to them? Eventually it becomes a forced relationship, that if it goes down the wrong path - possibly toxic. Toxic might be a strong word, but pressure messes with someones head. It might make them anxious that they are even doing anything right. You don't know what they went through prior to this new beginning, what if they left a relationship where they felt suffocated by timelines? Told they weren't perfect because they didn't abide by what you wanted. It's a two way street and your deadlines are not something to be played with. If your deadlines are not met, would you stay with that person? Or would you drag them along for the ride and put a new one up? Or would you leave them because once again they did not meet your high standards?
Holding a timestamp over your own head is pressure. I won't lie and say I haven't fallen prey to this ideology. I had a whole timeline set out for myself. I wanted to be working full time by twenty two, married by twenty five, have my first kid by twenty seven, have at least two kids by thirty, and finish having kids by thirty two. This timeline, while still attainable, does not fit my life anymore. Why? I am still a single twenty one year old, who, while graduating in a couple of days with her bachelors, will have a hard time finding a job due to Coronavirus, and knows for her sanity, she would not be married by twenty five but maybe twenty seven. Now, I'm not saying it isn't attainable or possible, but if I want to do things the right way, I have to alter it. I'm a more go with the flow person, whatever happens, happens. At times, it makes me sad that my timestamp isn't working but I realized who am I kidding, at the time, I was not mentally or emotionally ready for a relationship. My schedule was nonstop, piled high, I barley had time for myself. My days were spent student teaching five days a week, school three days a week, working three jobs, being a part of a sorority, all the while trying to keep a social life. Being a part of something more would have been too much for me. If I'm not ready for my timestamps, who is to say that someone else would be ready for them? What if my timestamps don't align with their life?
I am also someone who believes I need to be with a person five years before I even remotely think of getting married to them (BAM another time stamp) but as I sat there I realized I'm wrong. Whose to say five years won't turn to ten years, ten years to twenty? It shouldn't matter, if the time feels right to get engaged, we get engaged - we don't wait five years.
The thing is, time is never going to be right. No matter how we look at it, it never is.
If we try looking for the right time, nothing will be done. We will always find that excuse to hold off on doing what we want to do. Our constant excuses will be:
"The time isn't right."
"I'll do it next week, it's just not the right time."
"Oh, that? I'll do it tomorrow."
So on and so forth. If we keep pushing things back we are going to constantly say the time is never right. We shouldn't live a life where we have to say we can't do something because of time. We should take life by the horns and live it. We shouldn't worry about how our timestamps doesn't match someone else's. Just because someone did something before you, doesn't mean your time won't come.
Stop waiting for the time to be right. Time never will be. Time will never wait.
So stop. Stop waiting for the time to be right. Just do whatever it is that you want to do when it feels right for you. Don't put that timestamp. Stop comparing. Just keep going, keep living your life to the fullest. Who cares if you do things later than someone else because at least you can say you did it. It might have taken longer, maybe shorter, but you did it. At least you can say you did life your way. You did it in a way for it to fit you. In a way that made life worth living and happier for you.Time is just a construct.
Don't let it and society take control of you. Take control of your own life and destiny. Show them who you are and what your worth. Don't rush things because if you rush, you'll miss things.
Just because things might have happened late in life doesn't mean you can't be as bright and beautiful (or handsome) like those around you.
Time is different for everyone. Everything will fall into place. When it feels right, do it. Don't wait and stop making excuses. Don't hold yourself or other's accountable for your timestamps. And don't wait for time because it will never wait for you.
Sippin' Pretty, Sippin' Strong
Moli
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